I graduated from high school under pretty abnormal circumstances – I’ve been on my own since I was 16 years old and a
junior in High School. I left a very unfortunate childhood behind me. Other than forging signatures as necessary, no one really noticed me because I didn’t get into trouble; I studied a lot before and after school and I worked at night to
support myself. So, there were no absences, I did not socialize, I managed to fool the teachers into thinking I was still living at home, while I continued to finish my junior year. After I was promoted, I switched from waitressing at night, to a job in the typing pool at A Wall Street bank with day hours. During that school year as a senior; I switched from regular school to a five hour course in night school. I don’t know how I did it, but I did get that darn diploma and managed to get excellent grades - Ridiculous as it may seem, I was chosen to give the valedictorian speech at graduation.
My employee from the typing pool talked me into going into their two year business vocational program. So, for the next two years I went to school two hours in the morning, worked the typing pool for six hours and then
went back to class for an additional three hours in the evening: It was all pretty crazy. (Only a young, desperate person could have survived it,)
Even back then, the only thing that kept me sane was writing about the way I was feeling and what I experienced while living my life in the streets of New York City. Believe me, there were some awful bleak times. I’m so grateful that God still pursued me through all the nasty aspects of my life. It seems like writing is pretty much what I am still doing. So,
thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts.
How amazing that the perfect man, Jesus, died the most shameful death, crucifixion, so that believers would not have to endure eternal punishment. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him.” (Phil. 2:13) As if his brutal death weren’t enough to make us feel tremendous gratitude, He still works in the heart of each believer to help them live in obedience to His perfect Will - espeacially when we don't get how it is that he allows so much misery and turmoil in our lives.
Suffering can sometimes confuse me. I know that I’ve been mad as hell at God while suffering physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my own parents. (That’s a case of the ole “trust and obey” doctrine. I obviously wasn’t buying into that doctrine at that particular stage of my life. Anyway, God did know me even then and he used my heart and my pain to move me along to a better place.)
There are just all kinds of garbage in secular society to make you think this drug, or that drink, or guy, whatever is going to fix you right up - Dang, if only that were true. There is just no escape from disappointment, betrayal and pain. If your blood flows and your heart pumps, you are not exempt.
Suffering can be the direct result of my unfathomable, sinful bent. Other times, my suffering may have been a result of my foolishness - some is the result of living in a foreign, fallen world. There is even suffering that is caused by doing good, as in the brutality Jesus endured, even though He did more good than any other man thatever lived. God is in control even when I think things should be different! (1 Peter 2:21) Still, in my worst situations, God does give me the strength toendure and go through it. I have to hand all of it over to the one who truly cares for me and always has my back. I thank the God of my heart and His precious son, Jesus, my savior.
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